BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM A BETTER, FATTER SUPER VILLAIN

Because She Keeps Winning All The Gelt

Because He Is A Venti Caramel Macchiato With Whole Milk

Because He Was Taxidermied That Way

Because He Is A Fully Stuffed Baked PUGTATO

Because Horizontal Stripes Are Not Flattering

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Because You Are What You Eat

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Because He Wanted To Be In A Higher Weight Class

Because She Hasn't Lost That Baby Weight

Because Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia

Because Curvy Girls Are Sexy

Because He Needs To Have A Bowel Movement

All In Your Mind, It Is Because

Because He Is Really A Unicorn

Because Tiny Giraffe Is Little Spoon

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Because He Wants ALL THE AIR!

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Because Dennis Quaid Will Hold Him Tight While Watching Hockey

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Because He Just Couldn't Resist The Late Night Munchies

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Because He Is A Real American

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Because Jessica Alba Gave Him Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Because Feelings

Because Fat Adds Flavor

Because He Needs to Stay Warm for the Winter

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Because WE DON'T KNOW WHY But He Is ANGRY

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Because They Over-Indulged On St. Patty's Day

Because He Is As Old As Dirt

Because He Ate All The Peabnut Bubber

Because He Wants To Swing All Day

Because Your Exercise Is His Stroller Nap Time

Because You Are Tori Spelling

Because You Let Him Sit in the Pink Chair

Because You Bought Him a Stroller